Pure love asks for humility

As I am writing this article, it’s valentine’s day. This calls for an plea for love. Loving, being in love, longing for love, lacking love. No other theme is discussed as often amongst girlfriends as ‘love’. Pure love, without conditions, is a higher level art of living. Something we have come to realise. It is something we want so badly. Because we feel the promise of ultimate happiness, want to experience deep connectedness. Larger than large. But oh how hard it is, to love without fear. To truly connect with the other on the deepest level. Hiding nothing, leaving no secret backdoors open for a quick escape. Being open. Honest. Unconditional.

‘As long as you can’t see the innocence and perfection of the person in front of you, you will never experience the full glory of the highest love.’ A quote on facebook that touched me deeply. It made me realize I make paint perfect pictures in my mind. Constantly. Molds the other should fit into. This reeks of judgement. Of approving and disapproving. And is far from spiritual.

Luckily I am aware that this is what I am doing. And in the meantime I’ve been able to to realise this at the moment it is happening. This means I can practice. Practice not to judge and let go of these painted pictures. Whereas it used to be a full time job, now there are times I can take time off. Effortlessly find myself in an open space of not expecting. No direction. Simply wonderment and curiosity. A pleasant place to reside. It is light and happy and love flows naturally. There is nothing I need to do.

Until I suddenly wake up with a start and find myself tensing up. Often quicker than I would hope to. Because the other is out of connection. At least in my experience. Or the other points out something I am doing wrong, and I feel rejected. Or the other reacts with fear to my ‘non-judgemental-complete-trust-state’ and I think: oh dear, I’m too spiritual. Not good enough. Or the other has a good time with someone else. Ouch, not good enough either. Which then leads to resistance, followed by judgement. He or she doesn’t fit the mold. Not good enough for me. So I leave.

‘As long as you can’t see the innocence and perfection of the person in front of you, you will never experience the full glory of the highest love.’ This is so true. Love requires humility. Bowing your head. Who am I to want to change the other to fit the mold. Who am I to take away his or her identity. Shame on me!

It’s a strain on the relationship, the power of approval. Whether you assume this power, or rather give it to the other in order to receive approval. In any case it leads to a division between the two of you. Release the strain and bow your head to the perfection of the person standing in front of you. Your heart will burst open spontaneously. We have so much love to give. We have no idea.

One of my teachers recently used the phrase ‘shocked love’. It sounds so beautiful: shocked love. She referred to the moments in which we reach out to our parents as a vulnerable child, in search of connection, which is then unanswered. Simply because our parents aren’t perfect. Because they had a million other things on their minds, because they had other priorities, because they thought it was better to send you to your room. Love was shocked. In no time we built a shield around our heart. To prevent us from feeling the emptiness that we experienced during the shock, ever again.

Only when it is very safe, when we have the guarantee that the other is available completely and at every moment, exactly the way we want, are we able to take down the shield. But oh how we restrict love. So small, so minimal and conditional.

The highest love is all-inclusive. Full glory requires respectfully embracing all that is. Letting the other in completely. Surrendering yourself completely. I wish us all the courage to go for it. To experience the highest love without restrictions. Not only in our romantic relationships, but with all our loved ones. Love wants to be lived. That is what life is about. About celebrating love. Happy valentine to you all!!