Lust, sensuality and passion don’t seem to go hand in hand with the path of spirituality. When you head towards enlightenment and happiness, you leave behind all earthly pleasures. At least, this is the dominant thought in many spiritual circles. This has brought me great internal struggle. Because where did this leave room for my spontaneity, expressiveness, passion? What did I do with my need for physical contact? The path of spirituality led to inner peace and tranquility, love, compassion, deeper insights, but also felt quite plain and dull.

I want to live life to the fullest and embrace every aspect. Both internally and externally. Both being still and also dancing exuberantly. Not only focusing on my mind but also on my body and all my senses. It feels like I am only living partially when my attention is turned inwards. The same goes when my attention is only focused on the body and matter.

It seems to be a delicate balance,
the coming together of the internal and external.

It seems to be a delicate balance, the coming together of the internal and external. Often I am either on one side of the extreme, or the other. Neither side provides complete fulfilment. Nether side provides a happiness that is sustainable.

An enlightening meditative experience turns out to be just as temporary as a passionate sexual encounter. As is usually the case with temporary pleasure, it is followed by a longing for more, better or something different, more intense. Like a hole that needs to be filled, which is impossible because the bottom is missing.

So long as I have the need to go somewhere, find something, feel something, I won’t be able to live life in all its wholeness. Because I am not in the present moment. I want things to be different, more, better. Even during meditation this is a pitfall. If I see meditation and reflection as a means to becoming a better person, my spiritual efforts soon become a thought driven path. Which still lacks fulfillment. Or it turns into something vague without grounding. A spiritual escape from reality.

The vibrant wholeness I seek in life
can only be sustainable once I no longer
want to be somewhere else.

The wholeness I seek in life only becomes sustainable once I bring my attention to the present moment, no longer wanting to be somewhere else. Once I integrate my inner stillness with the worldly nature of life, I can dance and party in spiritual awareness. I can meet others with an open heart, and eat, drink and make love with awareness of all my senses. Only then am I able to tune in to the mystery of life.

Duality is the essence of life on earth and invites us to live through all aspects of ourselves. Once you have found the delicate balance between inner wisdom and outer expression, you are able to shine with passion, strength and sensuality. Your creativity gives life ‘juice’. Your heart opens and gives and receive in all its pureness. Nothing needs to be sought nor fulfilled. So there you are, with everything God has given you, your sources of happiness endless. This is what spirituality is about for me: finding the ultimate combination of the divine and the wordly.