How honest are you when it comes to love?

We are all in search of a real connection, yet at the same time it terrifies us. We wish to be seen and known by the other, yet it scares us so. Afraid that when we engage in a profound relation, we need to sacrifice aspects of ourselves. Inclined to withhold a part of ourselves out of self-protection.

Whatever feels most vulnerable, we keep carefully hidden. But in this way we sell ourselves short. Wanting to experience the ultimate happiness of the highest love, you need to put your whole self in when meeting the other. All your fears, all of your judgements, all of your frustrations and confusion. Precisely that place, where you are afraid to lose yourself or the other, is the most fruitful place for finding a deeper connection.

It requires quite some courage to put yourself out there. To share what’s going on inside without being afraid how the other might judge you. To let go of the fear of rejection or not being understood. To be completely vulnerable and say: this is who I am and this is what’s going on inside. Again and again. It also requires strength. Being responsible for your own thoughts and feelings. Regardless of the effect this has on the other. Because only then can the other truly see and feel who you are. Only then real intimacy is possible.

Am I honest when it comes to love? Do I show my true self? In all honesty this often isn’t the case. However genuine I seem on the outside, there is always more going on than I express. There’s so much I don’t talk about. My doubts, my fears, most often I keep them to myself. Go through the whole process alone, and only share once the feelings have passed. Once I am back on track. For so long I have longed to be together, yet I mostly continue to go through things alone. Also in my relationship(s).

‘I really want to know you’ I often hear myself say. And then I long for the other to be completely truthful. But am I being fair? Am I myself truly open? Do I dare to peel off the protective layers around my heart? Am I free from control and manipulation? At the most subtle level? Because I may think I am completely open towards the other, residing in my zen-being, calm and receptive, but maybe this is still a comfort zone. Maybe I am still standing safely on the shore. Me in my Buddha-state. What would happen when I also leave behind this space and move into the unknown completely fragile and vulnerable?

Connecting is scary because we never know beforehand what will happen. We don’t know how we will feel and how the other will react. That’s why we like to stay in control. By using our humour, our knowledge, our calmness, our care. The role we feel most comfortable with. This lets us keep our distance, more so than we wish for deep in our heart.

When I stay on the shore, I lack courage. When I actively dive in, I lack sensitivity. The challenge is to move into this unknown space with all of my vulnerability. Letting go of everything I know and can do, letting go of the all too familiar role I take on. Currently I have slowly made my first steps.

The moment I allow myself to be touched, a richness of experiences occurs. So vast, deep, and so gripping! It makes me so happy I could burst, my entire being fills itself with life energy. With strength and tenderness at the same time. Thrilling and sensational.

We are inclined to think we need to find the great happiness within ourselves, but we can’t exist without the other. Everything is connected. Relations are at the centre of all life. Let yourself be influenced by the other, let yourself be touched, and enjoy every new movement that occurs. Letting go of your history, letting go of your past. Every moment invites you to experience something new and fresh. Pleasant or unpleasant. It doesn’t matter. Enjoy the movement. The coming and going. And be in awe time and time again.

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