Online course Nature based coaching - Lesson 8

Summary

Coaching is about creating clarity where your client got stuck. We create this clarity by looking into five areas:

What are things like now? What aspects require attention?
Where do you want to go and what does that look like?
What is preventing you from getting there?
What natural talents do you have and what brings you strength?
What steps do you have to take to realize your wish and who or what can you support you in this?

In the above areas we explore and simply mention what is true. Not the truth of the coach, or a theory, but the simple truth that is hidden in the experience of the client. It’s a simple open investigation.

In each session we use symbols or images, to discover this simple truth. The way the coach is guiding this process, is as follows:

The coach asks what the client sees in an image and rephrases what they’ve heard in their own words.
The coach asks how this translates into reality by asking for specific examples (making it clear).
The coach asks what emotion this evokes and repeats the answer in their own words.
Then the coach asks their client to acknowledge this given truth (including all emotions involved). Simply by asking, so this is the truth of this moment?
Finally he gives a summary of the most important realisations. Or asks the client to do this themselves.

Recognizing pitfalls

You will only start to recognise your pitfalls when you practice a lot. If you want to be a good coach make sure you keep practicing. Only then will you discover when you have a tendency to think with or for your client, or when you tend to advice or steer into a certain direction. It will immediately be noticed in your coaching. The client might withdraw, or look a bit confused. They might not be able to find any answers or even get a bit irritated. Something might happen within yourself as well. Maybe you're waiting for the right answer to come or you keep doubting. You feel restless , irritated or impatient. These are all signals that tell you that you most probably have fallen into one of the mentioned pitfalls.

The art is to develop such sensibility that you will recognize those signals on time and be able to adjust your coaching. This sensibility you will only develop by doing a lot of coaching sessions.

It is okay to make mistakes

It’s normal that at first you will only be focused on remembering the structure of the exercises and that you will already be happy if you have managed to walk through all the steps.

It’s also normal that in the beginning you are not yet so conscious about all those pitfalls. It’s okay to make mistakes. That is part of the learning process. So always ask your tryout clients to give honest feedback. You need that to grow in your coaching skills.

Only by practicing a lot, you will learn to see the difference between directing and leading, between wanting and trusting, between knowing and seeing, between searching and discovering and between expecting and being curious.

The difference between leading and directing

It can be a bit confusing if you have heard me say that we are actually going nowhere, and that we are just present with what is, yet at the same time we are clearly taking steps along a given structure. We move from stating a clear wish to the reality of accomplishing this wish. It might also be a bit confusing if I ask you not to direct and not to think for your client, while at the same time the coach is clearly leading the client in a certain direction. Because it’s the coach who chooses certain questions and decides which exercises to use.

So how do these seemingly contradictions come together? It’s the coach's job to create a safe framework in which the client can undergo an open search. We set out a path, but we have no idea what will unfold along this path. We are genuinely curious about the content of the process and we are respectful to every answer, every feeling and every discovery of the client.

Be aware that as soon as you’re waiting for the ‘right’ answer to come, other than the answer the client is giving, you lose that respect. If you want your client to be somewhere else in their thoughts, their feelings or in a different mood, other then where they are at that moment, you reject the reality of the here and now. These are the pitfalls that you will have to learn to recognise.

How to recognise these pittfalls?

Just follow the subtle movements in your mind.

Are you noticing you want to go into a certain direction?
Do you want your client to see something that you are very clearly already seeing yourself?
Do you strongly somebody to express their sorrow, anger or annoyance?
Do you think you know what it’s all about and are you looking for a confirmation of this?
Do you want your client to experience something that you have experienced yourself as well?
Are you tuned in to where your client is at that moment?
Are you following your client or are you following yourself?

How about intuition?

Of course it can happen that you feel things intuitively that your client hasn’t noticed yet. That’s not a bad thing in itself. It could even be a strong addition to the conversation. You can use this intuition to transform it into a genuine open question while being genuinely curious of the answer that occurs. As mentioned before: learn to feel the difference between seeing and knowing. You see (or feel) something but you know nothing.

So one of the most important things to learn is how to be in tune with your client. From the inside you should feel: I don’t know anything and I don’t need to know anything. I am genuinely curious about what the other knows and I trust and have respect for the inner wisdom of my client.

Asking the right questions

Genuine open curious questions are (also see the chapter '50 questions for the nature based coach'):

What is happening with you in this moment?
What is being touched inside of you you right now?
Can you describe what you feel right now?
Can you tell me what you see?

Too much leading questions are:

Are you afraid that your ego is being attacked? > much to suggestive
This would make me furious > it’s not about you
Well that’s very sad > your interpretation is not of any importance
And that messy bit, what is that about? > messy is your interpretation of the image
Just go and lean comfortably against that tree > leading and suggestive

We're only exploring

In the first 4 sessions, we research the way things are in the here and now and we look at how things could be in the future. It’s only an exploration, we don’t actually try to get there yet.

So a right suggestion would be:

How would it be if….?
Or… what do you experience if you go and stand over there?

A wrong suggestion is:

if you just go…
you can also…
if you just try look over there…

These are all too suggestive and too leading. You can already notice that the question has an expectation in it, which means it's not open, you're not curious.

Practice instructions

Explore the area where you are going to have your session(s) before hand. So you won't get lost. You will usually not walk very far (3 km max).
Take about 1,5 hour for each session.
Make sure you have a first aid kit with you.
Regarding safety: Let somebody know where you will be working and with whom.
For each exercise, take a few minutes to ground. Make sure to clear yourself of the need to get somewhere, knowing it better, or feeling responsible. Activate the open and curious not-knowing attitude. Also make a conscious connection to your heart.
Ask your client for feedback after the exercise.
Write down your points to improve.
Read through the practiced material once again at the end of the session, write down what you could have done differently, and what steps you might have missed. Then set a clear learning goal for the next session.
If any questions arise, check the Q & A in the next lesson

Your fellow student as the observer

You can learn a lot from the observations of a fellow student. The observer only observes and does not interfere with the process at any time. Suppose the coach gets stuck, then he/she can ask the observer for a suggestion. However, it’ll still be the coach that acts out that suggestion, the observer does not take over. He simply continues to observe throughout the entire session. After the session the observer can give feedback on what they saw:

Where did the session go smoothly?
Where did it go less smooth?
Where was it pick up again fluently?
Is there anything the coach might have forgotten?
At what point did the observer witness an important change?
What could you see happening to the client?

Be careful not to become too know it all, but to give an objective, neutral assessment of what you witnessed. It’s not about right or wrong, but about learning to see the effects of your practice. Remember that you are learning. The role of observer is of high importance here!

Giving Feedback

You provide feedback based on your own experience as the role of a client, or from your role as an observer. NEVER from the role of fellow-coach. The purpose is for the coach to learn from the client's experience or from the observer's neutral view. Always start by mentioning what went well and what was pleasant. Only once it’s finished you mention the moments that did not go as smoothly, where you felt resistance, felt misunderstood or where there was perhaps a lack of clarity. And from your position as a student/client, also share how this affected you. Again, this is definitely not about right or wrong, but about learning through experience. Don't fall into the trap of annoyance or irritation but take those feelings as intriguing learning moments for every participant in the session. Be receptive and grateful for what you encounter.

Try out clients

It’s important that you have no relationship of any kind with your client, otherwise you cannot offer a neutral environment. What the other person says, does or does not do, shouldn’t have any effect on your life or relationship, not even indirectly. The client really needs to feel entirely free to say what they want. "But you can say anything to me", said by someone you already know does not work! Believe me. This doesn’t mean that you couldn’t achieve anything, but it’s simply not a neutral setting.

So, look for friends of friends or acquaintances. Mention that you are looking for tryout clients for a course that you are taking. The trajectory does not have to be a difficult one, but a serious question from the client is important to be able to coach. A call-out on Facebook or Linkedin often generates enough clients. You can make the call attractive by, for example, starting with the question: Are you stuck? Are you looking for clarity? I offer FREE nature based coach sessions as part of the Nature Based Coaching course that I am currently following at Innersteps.

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